Wednesday, December 19, 2012

On Gun Control - Potential Enhancements

I'm just spitballing here. I own a gun, I am a reasonable person, so I am throwing out some ideas that could potentially help.

I mentioned a couple of ideas in my last post that could help as well.  This included written and field testing to ensure people know the laws and can effectively operate the firearm they are purchasing.  I also suggested a requirement to possible join a properly formed and certified militia that would help in these training processes and address the issues of safety, proper storing and use of firearms.

Here are a few other ideas that I am not opposed to.

States could give their teachers the option to conceal carry a firearm for their protection and the safety of their students. Additional funding could be provided as well for armed security or law enforcement at each school.

Gun control could be more like cars. Guns could have a title with them. So when you sell a firearm to someone, the title is transferred as well.  There is documentation of the sale/purchase.  I line of ownership can determined, traced and followed.

There could also be a potential governing body, probably the ATF, that would house a central database for these transactions.  Laws could be put in place if guns are sold improperly.

The background checks could search deeper than they do.  There could be something similar to the No Fly List for guns or the sex offender registry.  A place where people can go to see if who is on that list. This would be effective for people at gun shows who are selling guns privately.

I understand that this won't solve the problem. Aliases, fake IDs, dishonest people could all find ways around this. Look at Mexico, they have tighter gun laws than we do and yet criminals and cartels, all the people you don't to have guns, somehow have them.  But we can take steps to try and do something.  I don't think any reasonable, responsible gun owner wants innocent people to be slain, by any weapon, especially guns.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Gun Control - What Can Be Done?

Here are some of my thoughts on the Gun Control issue from the past.  As always I have kept an open mind and heart to the whims and rhetoric of both sides of the issue as events occur.

What has happened today, events just this year, and also in the past years, have been terrible, atrocious, and horrific. I do not condone them. I am pained by the actions of these people who commit heinous acts of violence, especially towards innocent children. My heart hurts for the loss of life.  I love children.  It is so sad to me that someone could do something like this.

This person was obviously disturbed.  As have been the people who have committed these violent acts in the past.  I have yet to see a responsible, level headed, gun owner go on a shooting rampage and kill dozens of innocent people.  To me, it is similar to drunk driving.  There are people out there who are responsible when they drink.  They have a designated driver, they call a cab, they limit their consumption.  It is the same with gun owners.  Some, unfortunately and tragically, decide to abuse the powers they have been given.  It is so with guns and these mass shooting we have seen recently.

I don't think guns should be outlawed entirely.  That is not what needs to happen.  I think a better screening process and training could be put in place.  Something similar to a driver's license could be issued that needs to be renewed annually or biannually.  It would list what guns you own.  A test would look at different factors relating to gun laws. i.e.

  • What are the local laws that regulate gun use in your Town, City, State? 
  • Knowledge about what federal laws regulate gun ownership?   
  • Can a person demonstrate that they can use a gun properly? (I think a field test should be necessary as well.)

Or maybe another option is that in order to own a firearm of any kind you must belong to an official militia.  This militia would be governed by laws created by congress and enforced by the ATF or another responsible government entity.  It would not be something where meeting the qualifications is nearly impossible but something a reasonable person can sign up for.  They can assemble for regular meetings, trainings and where local issues could be discussed.  It also satisfies the literal definition of the 2nd Amendment.  In addition, there may come a time when we have to defend ourselves FROM our own government if there is ever severe oppression.  The 2nd Amendment speaks to that as well.

It is for these reasons I argue that guns should not be outlawed completely but well regulated in a manner that doesn't create an impossible set of requirements but shows dedication, appreciation and respect for weapons that can cause such tragedies as the one we have seen today.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Believe - Real Salt Lake

As you may know I am a big time Real Salt Lake fan. I have been involved with the team on several levels.  I was a marketing intern in 2008 and got to be on the field for the MLS All-Star game. I have been a part of some of the fun stuff they do as well.

I am going on my 3rd year of being a Season Ticket Holder. I have 2 of the best seats in the stadium. Seriously. They are amazing! 

So many things are going right with the team even amidst the personnel shake up happening. (Which I don't foresee being a hiccup to the upcoming season.) Attendance is growing; selling out games on the regular! More and more season ticket holders are joining the ranks.  We even have an anthem that we sing.  It gets the crowd (and the players) PUMPED!

For the next level I think it would be fun to bring 2 great traditions together. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the RSL Believe Anthem.  Wouldn't it be fun to get in the Tabernacle with the organ blasting  it while the choir sang their hearts out?

I do.

There is nothing wrong with what we have currently but maybe we need a few more verses to bring it all together.  Now I don't profess to be a master lyricist by an means but I wrote a little verse that may be suitable. You tell me.  If you don't like it or think you can do better, go ahead and comment with a verse of your own.  I will compile what I get and we can put it to a vote.

Here is what I came up with:

In the heart of Zion a Lion has been found
Rally the Battle Cry
Royal the Army retreat will never sound
I am Salt Lake for Life

In the meantime, I will work my connections to get the performance bit worked out. You know, my connections...with MoTab and old Tommy Monson. My grandma is a widow so... (Tongue in cheek people.)

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

The Election Reaction

There is probably a need to talk a look at a 3rd party in this country. Not a crazy one with a singular issue but a robust encompassing party that can do things better than left or right, red or blue.  I call it, The Coalition.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Writing is Therapy.

Sometimes all you can do is write because the words are the only tangible thing you have to make sense of what is going on in life.  Sometimes I write because if you spell it out and let the thoughts flow onto the screen it will help put the pieces of the puzzle together or bring blurry frames into focus.  So you write the words down in hopes that it helps.  Then you feel embarrassed when you post them for anyone to see because it is cliche and really, why would anyone care?  But you do it anyway because maybe it will kinda make you feel better for doing it. I don't doubt the therapeutic benefits of spilling the ink.  My first instinct is to write a poem. The words don't come out any more.  I feel like I have written it before. Its all the same crap in a different order.  The themes haven't changed.

But I want to write.

At times I look back.  Actually, its not that I look back.  It is more that I feel the empty, that hole, that missing.  I feel and recognize the void in my life that should be filled with an undying, deeply meaningful love for a wife I don't have and children that I desperately want.  I'm lonely. I'm tired of being lonely. I hate being good at being single. I'm really good at it. I can be alone. I am used to it. But my tank is on empty. That little orange light seems to be getting brighter with every day that passes.

It makes me sad.

I look at myself and wish, not that things were better, but that they were different.  I am too old to not have babies.  I am too old to not have spent years in love with a girl that makes me smile every time I see her or hear her voice or look at the ring on my finger.  I feel old.  I am old.  Maybe not old by the standards of the world around me or my life expectancy but by my own expectations. But I have spent too many years alone in bed with no one. No cold feet touching my leg, no covers being stolen and waking up freezing. Too many years waking up with nothing and no one. 

It wears me down.

Friday, September 07, 2012

Tupac - A Tribute

When I was in High School the guys I was friends with were into classic rock.  I listened to a lot of Pink Floyd, Zepplin, The Doors, Grateful Dead when I was with them. We would rock out and learned a great deal about that era of music.

But when I was on my own, for some reason, I somehow became enchanted with rap. I got involved with it.  It talked about places and a life I didn't know anything about growing up as a young, faithful Mormon living in suburbia with a mom, dad and 4 sisters.  Gangster rap and that lifestyle was something totally alien to me. 

I remember listening to the Beastie Boys while I sat outside of my sister's closed bedroom door.  It was the mid 80's so I couldn't have been more than 7 when License to Ill came out.  I remember being in 3rd grade and 2 Live Crew dropped Me So Horny on the radio waves.  But while riding the bus to school, I heard the unedited version.  It was filthy, something I wasn't used to.  I blushed. 

My next experience with rap was when MC Hammer blew up in 1990.  Please, Hammer Don't Hurt Em was the first tape I ever bought.  On New Year's Eve 1990, we had just moved to California and our parents surprised us with a visit to our old house which hadn't sold yet. So I was in the basement of that unsold house in Medfield Mass, radio on, listening to the countdown of the top 40 songs of the year. All I had hoped for was that U Can't Touch This was #1. It was! I was thrilled.  Shortly thereafter, Vanilla Ice got huge and I bought that tape.  The first 2 albums I had ever purchased with my own money were rap. I was 11. 

I got a job in 1994 at Thrifty's selling ice cream.  I worked with a dude there, I can't remember his name, but he made me a mixed tape full of local Bay Area rappers that I had never heard of before. Luniz, RBL Posse, and others.  Rap was growing on me.

It wasn't until my Junior Year in High School when I realized how much I liked rap.  Dre, Snoop, Ice Cube, Too short, E-40, Mack 10, ...the west coast rap game had me. The east/west rap war was real to me. I chose a side. I was throwing up the Dub because I felt affiliated somehow.  Sure I was just a skinny suburban white kid in one of the wealthiest places in the USA.  What did I know?

When 2Pac came out with All Eyez on Me that was it. It had everything I needed. The beats and sounds were right on the money. Tupac's delivery was uncanny. He spoke from the heart.  I think I connected with rap because they were speaking from the heart. They were emotional about the life they were living, the situations that were surrounding them.  I liked rap for the same reasons I like Les Miserables, Pink Floyd's ablum, The Final Cut, and ended up listening to Dashboard Confessional.  That raw sense of feeling was what captured me. I know that sounds crazy but I think its true.

I listened to that 2Pac CD (yes, I was now buying CDs) relentlessly. I had my favorites: Ambitionz az a Ridah, California Love, How Do You Want It, Life Goes On, No More Pain and 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted.  Those were the jams for me.

Then, Sept 7, 1996, 2Pac was shot in Las Vegas after a Tyson fight.  I heard about it on the radio before school.  Seven days later he died.  I was sitting in my car, Wild 107 was on with the Dog Pound morning show.  They made the announcement that he died.  I couldn't believe it.  I sat there in amazement. How could he not pull through?  What had just happened?

Things got real. I felt the loss. I sat there in my car for several minutes processing it. Looking back at it, I didn't realize how big of an impact his music had on my life.  He was a John Lennon or Marvin Gaye to me; he was my Elvis.  I got out of my car, I was late for class.  On my way I happened to walk by the flag pole.  There was Old Glory, hanging there, limp in the morning air.  I stopped, looked at the flag for a few moments.

I lowered it half mast, secured it and walked to class. I don't know if anyone noticed it that day. If they did, I'm almost 100% sure they didn't know why the flag was at half mast.  But that is a memory for me that doesn't really fade with time.  Sentimental? For sure.

As my high school days came to a close yearbooks got passed out.  I remember signing people's books with Pac's quotes. "Remember me smilin/with Gs in my pocket/have a party at my funeral/let every rapper rock it."  It would be fun to see the different inscriptions I left for people. 

So tonight being the anniversary of Pac getting shot I thought it appropriate to send some love in his direction.  He may not be a role model in many sorts, but his passion and drive are something to admire.

I still love rap. That mid-90's era is the golden age of hip-hop.  I know that the message isn't a great one most of the time but I can appreciate it for what it is and not what it celebrates in many instances.  Thank you Tupac for your contributions to the music world and to some great memories.  Rest In Peace fool.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Mexican Vacation

Here are a few pictures from the week I spent with my family in Real Del Mar, a little private community north of Puerto Vallerta.
  •  Had a solid 30+ hours of pool/beach time
  • Saved my neice from drowning
  • Golfed in Punta Mita
  • Spent a day in Sayulita, a small little surf town
  • Took 2 bubble baths

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Summer Weddings and Other Highlights

I have been in California the past couple of weeks/ends for my mom and dad's weddings. (They married other people, not each other again.) I just thought it would be nice to share a few of my favorite photos from the trips.

 Watching Snow White and the Huntsman with my sisters in Carmel.
 Just a little piece of a gorgeous yard at my mom's place.
 Dallas, brother-in-law, handling business like a boss. 
 Putting green and 1st and 10th holes at Roundhill Country Club.
 Ribera Beach below my mom's house where I go sea glass hunting.
 Behold my sheaves! What an array of glass!
 I thought the drop of water in the flower was sweet looking. The flash made it sparkle.
 At the Giants game on a sunny afternoon with Krista, Kara and Chris.
 The Monterey Bay Aquarium. The sea turtle. Life is better with turtles.
 A via of San Francisco from the south coming up the 101.
 A quality Father's day picture if you ask me.  This guy still loves his only boy and I love him back.
Little me on my first birthday. 

You can see more of pictures like theses on Instagram. Follow me @calebreeve

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Birthday Wishes

Its not my fault that I like awesome things. I have exceptional taste and I won't apologize.  My great taste ranges from women to suits to bacon.  I am willing to sacrifice at times, I am by no means a slave...I will eat a Hot N Ready pizza...or just not eat. I can slum (not you ladies) and I do for the most part, mainly because I don't have the deep pockets required to get what I want when I want it. 

This also poses a problem when it comes to birthday presents and other gifts.  I don't NEED a lot of stuff. I make due with what I have. Needless to say though, there are some wants in my life.  Things I won't get for myself because I can't afford them or can't justify the purchase, like the Adidas outlet...all of it.

So I ask for these things and usually do not receive. Totally understandable.  But in spite of high prices and an expectation that I won't get this stuff it won't stop me from asking. I stand firmly behind the thought that: 'You can't expect to get a better deal if you never ask for one.'  People aren't just going to give you stuff for no reason, especially if they don't know what you really want.

So here is the list of things I am digging on and would like everyone to get for me. :)

1. The Blendtec Blender. Its only the hottest blender in the game! Are there other blenders who have a  YouTube Channel dedicated to blending things from rakes to iPods?  Did you know it makes soup? It cooks it with friction from the blades. That is intense. Oh yeah, it makes ice cream too.  Sometimes the have them at Costco on sale.

2. Kitchen Aid Pasta Attachments. There are a couple to choose from. One is simply a pasta roller that squishes and flattens the pasta dough. It comes with an attachment that cuts the dough either into flat, fettuccine-like noodles and spaghetti and then there is a different one that makes spaghetti and other shapes.

3. Metal Detectors.  Ever since I was just a wee lad I have had a fascination with these things.  Never have I owned such a powerful tool that could detect metals, potential valuable thingy-ma-bobs, with simply a wave of a magic device.  Its basically a dude version of a magic wand. "Oh look here, I just found a gold watch." I want one. BAD.

Monday, May 21, 2012

The Epic Tale of Manventure

It was decided that in the spirit of Survivor Man and Man vs Wild, me and a couple buddies would go off on an adventure into the wilderness. We traveled with very little, just a back pack.

We did a little research and found an area up American Fork Canyon that would be suitable for our trip.  The deal was that we wouldn't take any food or shelter with us.  We would fish, hunt, build a refuge for ourselves.

And so It began.  We found a place to park and started up a trail. Then we left that trail and wandered into the wild.  We had a good idea of where we were going...or at least were we needed to be. Through some seriously rough terrain we scaled the mountain side.  Legs getting scratched, losing our footing, braking branches, we climbed.  It was very frontiersman of us. After over an hour of hiking we came to our first lake.

Deciding this was a good place to set up camp we searched for a place to build a man shelter.  Upon finding a suitable place,

we began construction.

And did a pretty awesome job. 

We built the shelter and set up camp.  Shortly after we headed back to the lake to see if we could catch some dinner.  After a couple of hours and the sun beginning to fade we had caught 6 small fish.  It would have to do.  We built a fire with flint and tried to figure out a way to cook the fish with out pans or utensils of any kind. (We left them at home, remember?)

We butchered the first fish but got the knack of it and ate.  We settled in for what would be, for me at least, a rough night of little to no sleep.  The ground is not comfortable, especially for side sleepers like me.  I tossed and turned and it was terrible. 

Once daylight came we decided to pack up and head up a few miles to the next lake.  No of us knew how hard it was going to be...especially me. On an empty stomach, little rest, and 8000 feet up I found about that my body wasn't prepared for the hike.  *Foreshadowing*

At the beginning of the trail, things were fine.  It was gorgeous.

We followed pretty close to the river.  The vertical increased and we went higher and higher, steeper.  As we were about 2/3 of the way there I could feel my body wearing out.  Kyle went ahead while Taylor and I lagged back.  Then Taylor went ahead and I lagged back. I was struggling more than I thought.  I took several long breaks to try and catch my breath and let my heart catch up to my feet.  At this point, my mind was fighting my body just as hard as my body was fighting itself.  I was only a few hundred yards from the summit but I couldn't go.  It was still early in the day and I figured that if I could just rest for a bit I would make it.

My body had BONKED. I leaned on a rock, wiped out physically and mentally.  I could lift a foot. I closed my eyes and waited, hoped my body would recuperate so I could reach the top.  About 10-15 minutes into my resting, I opened my eyes and saw a ground squirrel.  The only thing I could think of was, "We need to eat that."

I pulled out my gun, cocked it back and click. nothing. Dud bullet.
Ejected that bullet and got the next one in the chamber pulled the trigger and click. NOTHING! Another dud!
At this point I'm hoping the little bugger sits around for a 10 more second while I try for a 3rd time. Click. BOOM! HIT! Its squirming around and get up to it, writhing in wiggling almost falling off the cliff.  I pull out my knife and I stabbed it in the throat.

Meanwhile Kyle and Taylor had been up top scouting the area looking for shelter, fishing the lake and seeing how viable the new spot would be.  They heard the shot and figured it was a "come rescue me" shot.  I see them at the top of the ridge and I have the squirrel in my hand and I yell, "I killed this!"

They replied with, "There aren't any fish in this lake."  There wasn't a good place to build a shelter either.  At 8800 feet up the trees were scarce and the lake was simply just made of mountain snow run off.

With that news we decided we should head back to our old camp site and regroup.  But first I was still delirious and unable to function properly.  The kill had made things brighten up but I was down for the count.  Suddenly I remembered that Kyle said he had a baggie of trail mix. SALVATION!

We were all pretty worn out and destitute at this point.  We each ate a couple handfuls of trail mix which tasted glorious!  I drank some water, got my wits about me and we started down the trail we had just hiked up.
The way down was much more enjoyable.  Once we got back to the lake I had to skin and gut the squirrel.  This was a first.  I smelled awful. Flies came almost immediately.  How did they know and where did they come for so quickly!  By the time I was done, this is what we were dealing with.

 We started another fire and cooked this little thing.

There was nothing delicious or filling about that little bit of squirrel but when it was all said and done, we needed the nourishment it provided. We went back to the lake when we finished our afternoon naps.  Fish were jumping but they wanted nothing to do with anything we were throwing in the water.  It was super frustrating for us since we didn't have too much trouble the day before catching fish.  Tonight though, we were shut out.  It got dark and we went to bed pretty quickly.

The next morning we packed up our gear and decided to head out. We followed a trail that looked like it would get us back to where we needed to be.  It didn't.  We had to back track up a dirt road to another trail that took us to the right place.

 The after effects were mainly scratched legs and arms.  It was a fun and trying experience.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Kicking...The Bucket List

There are few things I would like to do in my life; some of them sooner than later. I haven't fully figured them all out but but I have come up with a few that I am confident enough to write down and make official. I may be doing this wrong because I think some of these things may be unattainable and just wishful thinking but If I did them at some point in life I would be really happy. So feel free to help if you have any hook ups in any of these departments
In NO Particular Order:
Go Helicopter Snowboarding
Be on TMZ
Throw out a First Pitch at Fenway Park
Run for Public Political Office
Own and cook at my own little restaurant
Host a Radio show
Slap a grown man in the face
Visit Lake Como in Italy
Own a boat
Attend the Superbowl
Drive a race car at a proper track
Create an APP designed for Apple and Android
Ad Lift
I haven't ever had a list like this before so I can't say I have knocked anything off of it before. But I have to start somewhere and I think this is as good a place as any.
Your Thoughts? What's on your list?

Friday, April 13, 2012

Man Crushes

Man Crushes **Updated**

So I thought about it and made the decision to post this list because there was simply no good reason to NOT post it.
  1. Tom Brady.  I don’t know if I have to do much more explaining than just mentioning his name but I will.  He’s rich, famous, the best at what he does, he’s handsome, he has 3 rings and plays for my favorite football team, he has a supermodel wife, and he’s not flamboyant...maybe a little.  I like that he took less money for his football contract so the team could put better talent around him. He could have gotten $12 mil/year but took $10. Classy.
  2. Lenny Kravitz.  I don’t know what it is about this dude but every time I see him I think, this dude is as cool as they come.  I don’t really know much about him.  I like his music and from what I can tell he has maaaad style.  I saw him perform on VH1 Storytellers and he slayed it. Dude is just somehow the epitome of coolness. See? Who does that!?!  Plus I just saw him in The Hunger Games and I thought he did a mighty fine job and still had "cool" on lock down.
  3. Justin Timberlake. Singer, Actor, Comedian, Dancer. He’s the guy I am ashamed to like but admit to people that I am ashamed to like him.  I make no secrets of it.  Two things that did it for me, when he made fun of Ashton Kutcher on SNL and when I saw him accept an award for Prince at the Golden Globes.  I thought, I like this dude.  That was the beginning. Then he brought sexy back and I was like, CURSE YOU TIMBERLAKE!
  4. Barack Obama. I don't like this dude because of his politics by any means.  What makes this a man crush is how someone can so fully and completely fail at his job, make no sense in fiscal matters and somehow people are still all over him like he is the answer to all their problem.  If I had some of that ObamaSwag, think of what I could do with life.  I could be the worst father in the world and women would still want to have my babies. I could blow every save as a relief pitcher and still get paid Mariano Rivera money. If you think about it, what is not to love about this dude...besides his presidency? Vote for me instead! See what I'm about.
  5. Chris Carrabba - Creator and lead man for Dashboard Confessional.  For some reason this guy's music speaks to me and I play his songs more, significantly more than anyone else.  He's got this connection with his fans that runs super deep.  And I have seen him eye sex the ladies and I've watched as they literally melted. I have never seen another man with such a power. It is one I wish I possessed. 
  6. I have to add Jose Mourinho.  This dude is the best soccer coach in the world and has been for about 10 years now.  He has a huge ego but can back it up. He's a good looking dude, Portuguese, funny, family man and hopefully one day coach of the USA Men's National Team. There is also this hilarious parody of Jose as the self proclaimed "Special One"

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Charity Case

This one Church...

There was a canned food drive. The twist was that each ounce of food would get you 1 point of buying power.  People would donate services, clean your house, cook your dinner, ski lessons etc. to auction off for the food.  My contribution was to get slapped.  And Slapped I was!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Monday, April 02, 2012

I try not to LIE.

Here is some of the stuff I have been on recently.

John Allred's version of Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.Allred is a local product of the Provo music scene. I dig his stuff.  He has a clean, sincere voice. @jallred on twitter.
Black Rob - Like Whoa This song gets me amped! Warning: Explicit Lyrics!

Websites: - this site can make me cry on a good day. - funny facebook statuses.

@emochrisbosh - fake chris bosh account. has some funny ones.
@gselevator - things overheard in the Goldman Sachs elevators around the world. The level of conceit and arrogance is highly amusing.

Psych - USA Network on Wednesdays.  This series is on Netflix as well. I find it hilarious.
Community - Thursdays on NBC i think it is. Holy crap, it may be the best show on TV right now.

So there you have it. Get busy!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Mental Foreplay

I have had this blog for 7 years now. I remember being in an internet marketing class talking about blogging and what it was and how it was going to be a thing of the future.  It hadn't really caught on at the time.  It was still a budding new way for people to express themselves. 

I named my blog back then, Mental Foreplay, because I thought it sounded funny.  I wanted it to be provocative and inspire people to think more about their lives and what is happening around them.  I don't know that I have lived up to providing the content that makes that even possible.

People show up to this site out of curiosity.  They come from all over the world. Probably in search of some naked chicks or advice on how to get some.  I mean, Mental Foreplay? What is that? I am sorry to disappoint the people in search of those things.

I would like to be more consistent.  Give you some content you can come back to on the regular and enjoy.  My media and the information I disseminate across the web is so fractured at this point it is hard to consolidate it all into one place. Between Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and 3 different blogs, things get dispersed unevenly across the board. I think I may look to find a way to bring more content here. It will still be a potpourri of issues and topics.  Videos, pictures, music, advice, thoughts, laughs etc.

Mental Foreplay is on the rise again. Are you ready? I hope I am!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Re-Post: Ketamine! Ketamine

August, 2007

I went in last week to get the 4 screws removed that attached Bethany, my fixator, to my leg.  I was told it would be easy, like tearing re-bar out of concrete. Though, it was a quick procedure from what I understand. I spent more time in recovery than I did in the operating room.

My anesthesiologist Dr. Butler told me that he was going to use a drug called Ketamine. He went into some details about the drug. Apparently Ketamine is closely related to PCP. It puts you in a “disassociative mind state.” He explained that I wouldn’t be unconscious but I’d have no idea anything was going on. Basically it makes you just crazy enough and out of touch from your brain that you don’t realize what is going on…or feel anything.

Butler asked me if I like any specific music. I hesitated for a minute and my mom jumped in and said that I like Pink Floyd. She was exactly right; I do like Pink Floyd. Butler told me he had Tool covering The Wall. I thought, ‘should be interesting, good enough.’

Dr. Maling, my podiatrist and surgeon, walked up and Butler asked him, “Do you have any Pink Floyd on your iPod?” Maling’s response…with a big knowing smile ”Why, you giving him Ketamine?” I knew right then I was in for it…what ‘IT’ was wasn’t clear.

Butler injects my IV with the pharmaceutical PCP and a few moments later things get fuzzy. I’m not out though. In fish-eyed lens vision I see the strange lights above me as I get rolled into the operating room. I then hear the music and the words, “We don’t need no education.”  It was indeed Tool covering Another Brick in the Wall Part 2 by Pink Floyd. Since I was still “coherent” I tried to make a joke about how the 4 or 5 doctors around me shouldn’t listen to the words and that they should be educated so they don’t mess up my leg. That was the last clear thought I had for about an hour.

Next thing I know I’m rapping the song Business by Eminem; precisely, I was later told. As they wheeled me out I could feel the movement. This is when I realized that my being had split into two. Basically there were 2 of me from this point on. Let me try to explain.

My eyes weren’t working…but they were. Huh? Yeah, exactly. One side of me was active, talking, seeing, interacting with my surroundings. Call this person Caleb. The other side of me that was there was trying to comprehend it. It was like a passive observer, like a driving instructor, just there to watch and maybe keep things in line. Call this person Dan, not my dad but my middle name. It was like I was split in two and they were very distinct and separate from each other.

It was as I was being wheeled out of the OR, finishing my Eminem song, that my two sides formally were introduced.

Dan: Wow you are really trippin out right now.
Caleb: I know, it’s awesome Let's see where this goes.

A hallucinogenic curtain rushes over me. It’s light pink but turns to pale yellow. It is a flowing, wind blown curtain, almost like water in a river, fluid. I actually see the curtain.  I know I’m trippin. I also know there is nothing I can do to stop it. So I embrace it and coast into Ketamine’s special world.

A doctor on hand told me that as I was being wheeled to recovery there was a cute nurse that Caleb decided to flirt with. “Hey there cute nurse. How are you? You should come to my recovery station.” Dan remembers none of it.

Slowly Dan became more aware of his surroundings and found that Caleb is a real blabbermouth. The kid won’t shut up. He’s talking and talking and singing…it is nonstop. As Dan’s vision starts to come back in millisecond flashes, Caleb talks about everything that is being seen. Dan realizes Caleb is socializing, making jokes, and that he can’t stop him. So Dan just takes notes.

Caleb: Ketamine, kids buy this stuff on the street. They shouldn’t be doing drugs but I can see why they are. This stuff is awesome. Ketamine, Ketamine.”

“Recovery. Recovery Phase. Recovery Phase 1” (I was reading the sign hanging from the ceiling.)

“Hey what’s your name?” She tells me but like in normal life I didn’t listen closely. “Hey your hair has blonde streaks in it. That’s not natural is it? I like it.”

Caleb starts talking to the nurses. “My mom wants some Kentucky Fried Chicken.” The nurse tells me I shouldn’t eat any KFC. I babbled on about this and that. Sometimes I think I was shouting. The nurses yelled at me a couple of times telling me I was scaring the kid next to me in the recovery room. Dan pipes in, “I’m sorry kid. It’s the Ketamine. I’m not accountable. Don't do drugs.”

I knew what was happening...kind of. I knew it was funny and probably a one-time thing. I was enjoying myself as I tried to grip a piece of reality here and there. Dan was constantly fighting to get in control of the situation.  I wondered if I would remember any of it so I tried hard. I remember talking about how I knew how awesome the experience was. “Is anyone filming this? This is the funniest thing ever! You know how much money you could make on a TV show for this? Is anyone recording this? Where is my mom? Is she seeing this?”  I needed a witness.  I wanted a record of it.

Me:  “Tell me I’m funny!”
Nurse: “You’re funny”
Me:  “No, I want you to mean it. Tell me I’m the funniest person ever.” I’m pretty sure she ignored me. Seriously though, how many other people were possibly as funny as I was feeling?

“Babies! I love babies! Babies, babies babies! I want lots of babies!” I found out I yelled this after the fact on a subsequent visit to see the Doc.

I see Dr. Maling sitting behind the nurse’s station, “I see you laughing at me back there Maling.”
“No I’m not laughing at you.”
“You liar. I know you are.”

I look over, “Baxter! Barker!”
The nurse whispers, “It’s Bulter.” (the guy who injected me with this stuff.)
“Bulter! This stuff is awesome! Gimme a high five.”
“I can’t I have a patient on the table right now.”
“I’ll remember this!” I yell with a vindictive tone.

Suddenly in a flash, Dan realizes that Caleb has been talking in a strange high pitch voice...this whole time! In that voice Caleb and maybe it is Dan that speaks up and asks a nurse, “Why am I talking in a high pitched voice? It doesn’t make any sense.” The nurse replies, “I don't know. You should stop doing it because it will make your throat hurt.” Then I say, in my high-pitched voice, “You’re right I should talk in a normal voice.” I think it took a few minutes for me to get back to my normal voice. My doctor told me the next day that another doctor passing through heard me talking and asked, “Is that his regular voice?” To which Dr. Maling said, “No, that is the Ketamine.” A sufficient reason I am guessing since no follow up question was asked.

Something switches inside me and I start talking about Nicole. She was coming to visit the coming weekend and I hadn’t seen her since we had called it quits at the beginning of January. Caleb, but I’m sure Dan agreed, “I love Nicole. I want to marry her. I love her.” Then the thought, followed by a verbal confirmation and tears, yes I started crying, “I don’t know if she loves me. I don’t know why she is coming to visit.” More tears and more apologies to the nurses. “I’m sorry. It is the Ketamine.” I can’t let it go though. I'm losing my mind. Crying like a baby over this girl.  “Nurse! You need to get my cell phone and call Nicole and tell her that I love her! Please!” The nurse respectfully declined, plus my cell phone was safe with mommy. She sits me up and feeds me a spoon full of ice slush.

Caleb and Dan are joining together more as the Special-K, as they call it on the streets, filters out of me. Dan is in full disaster clean up mode.  “Jennifer!” “It’s Jessica,” she replies. “Oh sorry. Hey I didn’t ask you out on a date or anything did I? This stuff messed me up. I apologize. I embarrassed myself a lot huh?” “Not too bad,” she says, “ and no, you didn’t ask me out. I think you are in love with Nicole…at least that is what you kept saying.” Wow.

Things start coming together more and more but I am still in a daze. I apologize more. I’m close to getting released, which is a shock because I can’t feel my face. It feels like I am looking at stuff from 2 inches inside my head. No matter. The nurse asks me where my mom is, “Is she at KFC?” “No, I don’t think so. I think she’s waiting for me. Call her cell phone. The number is…925…area code 925…2…8…6…286…awe what is it…4…110? 41…00? 44…1…0?” I still don’t know what it is. They have the number written down fortunately for me. “She’s in the waiting room,” says the nurse. Jessica goes to get her. As she’s walking away I yell to her, “She’s short with blonde hair and she loves me.” Of that I was certain.

As Jessica went to get my mom, 3 other nurses gathered around to help put on my new walking boot…the walking boot that I’m not allowed to put any weight on let alone walk on. The nurses are struggling with getting the boot on and with me. One nurse grabs my foot and tries to push down on it to get into the bottom of the boot. I scream in pain and burst into tears.  Whimpering in pain and pleading, “AHHHH! That hurts! Why would you do that? That hurt so bad! Just because I am out of my mind on drugs doesn’t mean I can’t feel the pain! Please, you need to be careful. That really hurt!” They stood back in some sort of bewilderment. It was like they had just seen a pig fly or a parrot doing calculus. Kind of confused, a little stunned, maybe offended, but astonished at the same time. Several more tries and a lot more careful they got it on.

Stuff is becoming clearer to me. Caleb and Dan join more fully than ever before. I can’t tell them apart anymore even though I still have a propensity to speak out about my random observations. They get me up slowly and I warn them that I might vomit. It’s happened in the past. Carefully I end up in a wheel chair and they roll me around the corner. There’s my mom sitting there patiently. I can see the worried look fade to relief when she sees I’m alive and mostly well.

The medicine at this point has faded to the point where I mostly just sit there quietly, a little dizzy, and with newborn wobbly neck syndrome. I couldn’t keep that thing straight. The nurse gave my mom a few warnings about how I may start talking about stuff that doesn’t make any sense or that I may become emotional for no apparent reason. As if! Jessica wheels me to the car. During that ride I find out that her husband, yes, the nurse I was flirting with was married, went to BYU. She was nice. I got in the back seat and tried to not get sick. I tried to not tell my mom how to drive. I just sat in the back seat…still coming down.

My sister Brooke met us at my house. I saw her look at me and I knew that she knew that I was hammered. Not my fault. She helped me get out of the car. I struggled. Leaning on her with most of my weight I inch towards my door. I had to stop every couple of steps because the hopping was making me sick. 

Into bed, trace amounts of Ketamine still linger but not much. I laid there, mom and sister trying to help the helpless one. It was over. The Ketamine was gone and I had already begun to tell my story.

*     *     *

After visiting Dr. Maling the next day and a couple times after that I got more of the story which I included in this account.  He told me I was the funniest person he had ever seen on Ketamine.  I didn't even have to ask him to say it.  He said that most people have a very different reaction.  Most people are mean and negative.  Apparently I defied the odds and Maling said I should do some stand up while on it.

*     *     *

The final bit of the story is that a few months later, in November, I went to get a screw pulled out of my heel.  I asked the Doctor for Ketamine and he looked at me like I was crazy.  "I have never had anyone ASK for Ketamine before."  I explained that I had a good reaction last time and I was hoping to go for a repeat.  He decline.

A nurse came up to me to finish the final prep work.  This girl looked familiar to me for some reason.  I look hard and ask, "Do I know you?"  She replied with, "Nicole, right?"  I was slightly embarrassed.  She totally remembered and this was a solid 4-5 months later.  My sister Brooke was there to witness that part of the story.  

Friday, February 10, 2012

Pick of the Chocolate Litter

So I open this box of chocolates that I got from my dad. (more on that later.) There are only 10 to choose from and with the things, you never really know what you are going to get.

Which one do you choose first? Round, rectangle, oval?  I have found that shape has less and less to do with what is in the middle than it used to.  I like the caramels...though I have warmed up and become more appreciative of all the flavors.  Those caramels used to be the square ones.  Not anymore.  The rules have changed for some reason and unfortunately this box of chocolates doesn't have the magical chocolate decoding legend.  Si it becomes a guessing game at this point.

So in my deduction process, I'm hoping its the worst one. If it is the worst one then there are a bunch of others and my eating experience will go way up. That is what I am looking for.  So I choose a dark chocolate oval looking one in hopes its filled with marshmallow.  It wasn't. It was a perfectly delicious piece of coconut.  As I took a bite I was a little sad because I knew that marshmallow or strawberry nougat thing was still in there and I had eating one I thought was clearly superior.

The whole thing is like watching an episode of Deal or No Deal. Your heart goes out for the person when the pick a suitcase and it ends up being the $250,000 case.  Now you're out a hot chick AND a quarter-mil.  You haven't thrown out the million but the $1 case is still out there.

I guess when you plan on eating the whole box in one sitting it matters a little bit less...

*     *     *

While I'm on the subject of eating chocolates, I want to give you a little advice.
1.  Don't be a person that takes a bite of one and puts it back.
2.  Don't poke them with your finger.
I don't care if it is your own box.  Its not classy.  Be bold. Eat the whole thing.

 *      *      *
My dad, for as long as I can remember, has bought each of his children a box of Russell Stover chocolates for Valentines Day.  They are nothing extravagant, maybe a box of 10 or so. But he is consistent.  Consistency,  is one of the things I value most in life.  When something is there because it has always been there.  I appreciate the thought and the sentiment.

I'm 32. I don't need a heart shaped box of candy from my dad.  But with out him I wouldn't ever have a box. I think my dad is the only person who has ever bought me a box of chocolates for Valentine's day. Ever.

He knows I don't need it. But it is something he does. He always remembers.  And you know what?  I love getting it.  I always chuckle when it comes in the mail because I never remember it is coming.  It always makes me smile. It is always there. Every year.  Thanks Dad!

PS - I finished the box. Your preparations and anticipation of the event got the best of me nearly a week before the 14th!

Monday, February 06, 2012

Color You Mine

My sister Brittany is an artist. Every year she make some home made Valentine's cards.  You can print them out and color them in your self. Feel free to print some out and share them with the people you care about!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Politically Minded

If you are at all interested in politics and government you can now follow my thoughts on twitter @I_Am_The_People.  You can also consult my political blog at,    

If you haven't seen or heard yet today see what the Obama Administration is doing to the Catholic Church? Click the link above to find out.

Odor O Meter

So there I was...

I was in the restroom the other day and the foul smell of feces got me thinking.  I started wondering if there was some sort of scale or chart that registered smells; or if there was some sort of order to odor.  You know how light is right, with its wavelengths and only some of it is visible to human eyes and all that?
 Same with sound...some tones (wavelengths) we hear, others we don't.  There is a range. The picture below doesn't really make a lot of sense unless you are smart. hahahaaaaa!

Even with taste, your tongue, certain areas of it taste different things. one section is for...well here's a picture.  Makes sense right?

So my thought was: I wonder if smells are the same way.  Things that smell good have similar characteristics like audible wavelengths.  I had to do some research...and by some I mean hardly any.  Come to find out there are 2 main theories that try to explain why and how we smell.

1.  The Shape Theory of Olfaction - The Shape theory of smell states that a molecule's particular smell is due to a 'lock and key' mechanism by which a scent molecule fits into olfactory receptors in the nasal epithelium.
2. The Vibration Theory of Olfaction -  The Vibration theory of smell proposes that a molecule's smell character is due to its vibrational frequency in the infrared range.

So...I guess all my studying has been in vain because we aren't sure what causes us to smell things good or bad.I would like to see something graphically displayed.  Four quadrants with dots? I don't know what it is I want but now I am intrigued with the idea of being able to look at something and understand the smell spectrum.

Happy Monday!