Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Mr. Serve On

As part of my gig at work I serve legal papers. I am a "process server." Let me tell you something, I LOVE serving people. It is so fun for me for some strange reason. Let me tell you why.

Tonight I was getting my serve on and I show up at this guy's door, his little kids are running around inside, some stranger at the door, confused.

Me: Hey how's it going? Are you John Doe?
Dude: Yeah.
Me: Awesome. These are for you.
Dude: Am I getting served?
Me: You bet you are.
Dude: uh...thanks.

The door closes and for some reason I got all giddy! I'm skipping across this guy's lawn, smiling, jumping in the air and clicking my heels, singing to myself, "Yeah you just got served!"

The next guy I serve I had talked to on the phone earlier because I had to track him down and confirm that he was the guy. He was worried about the legal action he was becoming involved in. I talked him through it and explained that he is just a minor figure in the grand scheme of the law suit. Anyway, I show up and I talk to him a little more about what he needs to do and assure him its not him that they are after. I thank him for being so kind and helpful and he does the same. I walk away smiling again.

The last guy I served tonight, I was 4 of 5, was having a restraining order renewed against him. I had talked to his roommate yesterday when the guy I was serving wasn't home. I see the roommate outside and ask him if homeboy is home, "Yeah he's in there." Word up.

I go to the door and he answers.
Me: Are you John?
Dude: Uh...uh who?
Me: Are you John Smith Doe?
Dude: no. What is this regarding?
Me: I just talked to your roommate, he says you're here.
Dude: I uh, what's this about?
Me: Do you know a Jane Anderson?
Dude: Yeah.
Me: These are for you.
Dude: What is it?
Me: It looks like she wants to renew her restraining order.
Dude: Renew?
Me: (as I am walking away) Apparently she's got one on you right now.
I get in my car and I'm out.

Some days are tedious and hard. Some are a breeze. Some days like today just make me giggly on the inside. I don't know why...but I like it.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Me for President!

Check out my new blog! The link is on the right. Its official, I am running for President! I even have a classy donation button for those of you who would like to support me. Check it out over the next few months as I will be laying out my plans and ideas.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Hopes and/or Dreams

So last night I was feeling a bit lonely and I ended up laying, lights off, half asleep, under the covers, in bed thinking about my life. I determined there were 4 things I wanted to do with my life. Hopes, ambitions, goals, dreams…call them what you will.

1. I want to get my poetry published in an honest to goodness book of my own. I’d like to have a reason to walk into Barnes and Noble or Borders. I don’t really care if it sells 1 or 1,000,000 copies; I’d just like to be a published writer. In this imagination I thought of several scenarios on what the book should be. I thought I could write a bit about each poem, what it was about, why I wrote it, who it was about…but then I thought that maybe just the raw poem would be good enough; that the reader could glean whatever meaning they wanted.

2. I want to invent something new and useful that would make me some money. I already have an awesome idea and last night the design came to me. Magnets. I have devised a new form of advertising. Some of you may know what I am talking about but I need to keep it something of a secret so no one steals my idea…it’s happened before. Yeah you Chase Bank and your texting people their account balances when they get low…THAT WAS MY IDEA 3 YEARS BEFORE YOU CAME OUT WITH IT. That’s beside the point. I need to figure out how to form the business model so I can make all the money on the ads not just the contraption that holds them.

3. I want to run for President. I already have some supporters from years or word of mouth campaigning.  But as I was thinking about policy and how to better the country a flood of ideas came to me about taxes, welfare, government spending, and more. I have great ideas. The problem here is that I am not a politician. I don’t like butt kissing, schmoozing, or any of that crap. I just like to keep it real. I have no doubt that I would be a good president. People would like me. I already have a motto, “For the Love…and the Plane.” (Let’s face it Air Force One is pretty rad.)

4. I want to get married. Duh. All of this thought came from being lonely initially. I needed a wife to talk to and hold. I had this vision a couple years back, it was my Bride and I, at the alter of the Temple, she was so beautiful and I was finally happy.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


Here are some pictures of me in my Halloween costume. I was Towelie, a character from South Park. I had some help sewing it together but I made the eyes and mouth. I have provided a picture of the actual Towelie so you can the see accuracy.

Now most people don’t watch South Park so not many people knew what I was or who I was. That didn’t take away any of the personal satisfaction. I went to a dance party and since no one could see my face I just closed my eyes and danced. It was pretty fun

Let's just assume it would be fair to say that no one enjoyed my costume more than I did. Don't let the pictures fool you. *wink wink*