Thursday, December 07, 2006

Reality Check

Have you ever been kicked square in the balls and realized it was exactly what you needed? Welcome to my life the past week. It’s been a deliberate, direct kick in the ol’ beanbag.

I had a conversation with my sister Brooke a couple of months ago about circumcision. It’s a weird thing. Not the act itself, but the result. I don’t know a lot about it. Suffice it to say that I am and if you’re not then I think you are weird. This conversation turned spiritual oddly enough and I brought up the scripture that talks about ‘O Ye uncircumcised of heart…’ What does that mean? I was determined to find out and give an awkward talk in church about it one day.

I haven’t thought about it at all until this very moment…must have been all this talk about balls getting kicked. Think about it.

Where was I going with all of this? Ah yes, a swift kick to the groin being the figurative reboot or jump start in life.
Thursday, I didn’t renew my lease at my apartment because I wanted to buy a house. So in 2 months I have no place to live.
Friday, I almost got fired. It was very traumatic and deserved and thankfully avoided. I won’t go into it anymore than this; I had not been focused at work and it was showing. I have a smart couple of bosses and I respect and admire them. I thank them for my rebuke and new motivation.

Add to the unemployment scare my current relationship that spans 1,500 miles and weeks between visits. Add to that a deep attachment and longing to be with her. Add in constant thoughts of her, wishing, hoping she is feeling something similar. Praying that she will do something to show you she cares. Then waiting days to hear from her. Thinking it was only supposed to be hours. The insecurities creep in, the fear that I may have said too much and scared her off, the wondering why she won’t call, won’t text, wondering constantly, waiting. Doubting everything. Even though you will see her in 3 days and the last conversation I had with her was totally satisfying and confidence building.

Then you here from her and she didn’t call because she’s been overwhelmed with life’s burdens and now sick and vomiting. How do you feel now Caleb? You’d been blaming her for not calling and causing you to wonder. As if she were doing this deliberately to freak you out. Not so. You were being selfish. And when I got the news I wanted to cry. How could I doubt? Why did I resort to that? Where is your confidence boy?

Foot: Foot to scrotum come in.
Scrotum: This is scrotum please advise.
Foot: I am making my approach; requesting fly by.
Scrotum: Negative Ghost Rider the pattern is full.
Foot: I’ll show you full!
Scrotum: huh?
Scrotum: AW, DUDE…NO WAY!!!!!

Welcome home soldier.
Thank you Sir, it’s good to be back.