You may have gone to my other blog called "A Poet of Sorts." If you have, you'd see that most of the poems are about unsuccessful relationships. Well, I'll be adding to the pile.
This is also the reason I usually don't tell family members about my dating life. I tend to jump the gun and get too excited over what ends up to be nothing. Too Deep Too Soon. I'm sorry I said anything, it was obviously premature and now I have to deal with the, "It'll be ok Caleb, we all think you're the best." I know you mean well and I love you to death for it. But I don't want to have to deal with it.
Here's my situation. This girl, she's great, everything I'd want in a girlfriend,inside and out. She's like a RIO Buffet in Vegas, check out the spread! She's got it all: brains, opinions, looks, weaknesses, courage...someone I would love to be exclusive with. We get along so well. We love being around each other and both are sad when we have to say goodbye. We have all kinds of stuff in common, from music to family background.
To make a long story short, she doesn't see it happening between us. She's not ready to get into another relationship right now but she still wants to be friends. What sucks is that there was a real potential but she wasn't in a place in life where she could give me a fair chance. She wouldn't let her heart into the situation. She built Pink Floyd's Wall but it didn't get torn down at the end like the album version. Somehow I am the only one that ended up crushed. What am I supposed to do!!!!!!
I want to hang out with her but being around her is only going to remind me:
A) That I would constantly see why I liked her so much to begin with.
B) I know its not going anywhere.
C) I want it to go somewhere.
So being around her, hanging out, just makes me hurt inside. It will hurt when I'm with her and hurt when I say goodbye or when I say, "yeah let's go do that." Because I know its not going anywhere when I want it to. I don't want to put myself through that. I'm so tired of that pain. It seems like being with her hurts more than being away.
But if I'm not friends and we don't hang out anymore then I'm not a big enough person to just let it go. We do have fun together. If I stick around then maybe she'll come around when she's ready. If I am sticking around then I'm not letting her heal. So how do I be friends without looking like the only reason I'm sticking around is just to get back on the boat when it is ready to sail? I want to be able to be her friend and not have other motives for sticking around. No easy answers here!
If I stay friends and continue to want her, I miss out on finding someone else. If I'm out dating other chicks and she comes around, I miss the boat again because some other lucky dude will get in at the right time. Getting in at the right time is something I am unable to do on a consitent basis... for example.
I am the best wingman alive. All my boys got married (with a little help) and I nurse the chicks back and get them ready to go find a guy they really want to be with. It's a vicious cycle. I'm like a minor league baseball team; when the pros get off the disabled list they go to the minors to prepare for the big league. I always seem to find the fresh off the disabled listers, just in time for some minor league training.
Sorry this is so long. This pretty much sums it up. Most of it is therapy for me. So go read a poem or two...they won't make you any more sad than after reading this. World Cup 2006! GET READY!!!!!!