Friday, February 25, 2005

Heckle Heckle

I wrote this in response to an article written in the College Times, the UVSC school newspaper. The author critsized the fans at basketball games that they don't know how to talk trash. I mentioned a phrase I often like to use "Do him Dirty." He said he didn't know what that meant...So I wrote this.

Where did Mr. Meeks earn is heckling credentials? In fact, how did he become an expert on the rules of heckling? Does he even have any credentials? Does he have something that makes him an authority in the “Art of Heckling?” NOPE! I, however, do…two actually. One from the International Player Haters Association, and the other is from the Hall of Game. They are hanging on my wall in my bedroom. If anyone should be writing an article about heckling it should be me, plain and simple.

You see Meeks; the beauty of The Heckle is that there really are no rules, only consequences. You can take The Heckle to any level you like, but be ready. There are things you should avoid such as racist remarks or grotesque sexual innuendoes. You can make those remarks but be ready for the backlash of those around you. I personally have drawn the line and don’t go there. I have chastised those who have made such comments. Some people have been sent to the third row in the Rowdies’ section because of worthless attempts at heckling.

Since when is family out of the question? I have been to a couple of Stanford basketball games and those students do their homework! They look up opposing teams players and see if their family members have any kind of criminal background. If they find anything, you bet they are going to use it! I have seen this happen. From what I remember from Player Hating 4650, an upper division class on the art of hating, size does matter. If someone is too tall, or too tiny, you have to make sure he is made aware of it. If he has long hair or nasty hair, tell him. If we have a sweaty, greasy fellow playing, we need to make sure the refs keep the ball clean.

Refs aren’t off limits either. Enemies listen better than friends do.

As for the terminology I choose to use in games, it really is not that odd. You obviously are looking at a world you know nothing about. Try going to “the City.” See what they are saying when they are ballin’ on the courts. Try checking out some AND 1 street ball. Go to a soccer game and find out what “Do Him Dirty!” actually means. I’ve seen dudes get done so dirty only a baptismal font could fix the aftermath. Have you ever seen Ronnie cross some poor fool up? I’ve seen his opponent’s egos and ankles break at the same time. And you know what? HE DON’T CARE!™ Have you seen Sylvester shake and bake, then straight up smoke a dude? At that point I don’t have to say anything because he’s just like your journalism career, D.O.N.E. And you want me to say something like, “Yer gonna get scored on?” Please. Go ahead and say that. I want nothing to do with it. I am going to keep it fresh and keep it real. But most of all, I am going to keep it straight up gangster.


PUFF said...

I am as excited as ever to be on the front row with you tomorrow night.
Hope we can keep Royal on the third row.

Anonymous said...

BirdboY saidAnd you know I would be there too if I could keep up with your insane skills and if I were in town.